It Will Not Be A White Boy Summer For Hunter Biden

 The concept of WBS has been around for a while now. It’s a pretty simple one: Dudes being dudes, having a fun time, doing cool things without being weighed down by the boundaries of woke society and scolding wives and girlfriends. It means golf, boats and cold domestic beers, all with a smile and a friend by your side. And before Media Matters come to cancel us, men of any color can partake in WBS, because this movement is spiritual, not identitarian. 

 There is one man that cannot participate in WBS though: Hunter Biden. 

 Hunter Biden is, in fact, a man, and he exists in a position in the space-time continuum where it is summer. Sadly for Hunter, though, following his conviction, he’s going to be spending too much time in appeals courts and potentially a jail cell to play 18 holes with the fellas or dance with a pretty girl at the Darty while the sweet songs of the summer blast through someone’s balcony speaker setup. 

 Hunter Biden will miss out on WBS because WBS isn’t about being as degenerate as possible. For a man to make the most out of his life, and experience all the fun to be had by making the world his, he must have his shit together. He needs to have a successful career. He needs to take care of his body and his mind. He needs to build a circle of high value men and women in his life to share his experiences with. 

 Wasting your youth doing crack, banging hookers and traveling the world to try (and often fail) to cash in on your dad’s name may sound like a grand ol’ time to a lost young man without purpose. But the chickens do come home to roost. Being responsible by day and cracking a cold one with the boys while you watch the U.S. Open by night is the way to go, not debasing yourself beyond any hope of redemption for cheap dopamine highs. 

 That, folks, is how you end up in jail, jeopardizing your father’s political legacy and missing out on WBS because you're in court. Have fun responsibly this year, and we’ll see you at Pinehurst #2 this weekend. 

1. New golf stick: Golf season is in full swing, and you definitely don’t need a new driver. Except for that occasional slice that whips into the wrong fairway, or that piss-missle worm-burner that nearly kneecaps Old Man Jenkins with the push cart, your current Big Daddy works just fine. Anyways, drivers are so expensive nowadays. How could you justify such a purchase when you’re saving up for an engagement ring, or even a house (with a gnarly 7.5% interest rate, to boot)? Well, it’s WBS, that’s why. You don’t need a new gap wedge to safely clear the green bunker, you don’t need a new putter to sink those knee-knockers to save bogey, but let’s be honest: you want them. There’s no better feeling than taking a fresh stick to the local muni, unlocking a new shot – say, a 280 yard drive on a short Par 4 – and shaving off a couple strokes early in the season. 

2. Grape transfusions: It’s summer, the best season to drink, and whether you’re looking to get blitzed and forget an ex, or perhaps find the courage to get some small talk banter cooking with the cute lifeguard, you need a go-to beverage. Look no further than the grape transfusion mix, a staple of golfers from time immemorial. It’s perfect for the links, the beach, the bar, the club, the Alpha Phi darty, Betty’s retirement party, and the best part is, it’s super easy to make. No need for over-complicated “mixology.” 1-2 oz. of your favorite vodka. Fill your bev container two-thirds full with lemon-lime soda. One-third grape juice, and then squeeze half a lime’s worth of juice, lime wedge to garnish. Mix it up, and enjoy...